Well today is the last day of 2010. As I reflect on this year it has been a hard one. From about May-October our family went through different trials, and it seemed like one after the other. God was so very good to us to help and guide us through different things and showed us the path to take and let us know that He was there the whole time to help us through. We came through stronger as a family and thankful to have had such loving friends to talk to and have them pray for us.
On a happier note looking back at this year some great things happened. We were able to spend July 4th and Thanksgiving with family from Ohio. Darryl and I coached fall soccer and had a great time with the kids. From coaching Alivia made some non-christian friends whom are now going to AWANA with her. Trevor and I both detasseled for the first time and survived and will probably do it again next year. Alivia had an undefeated soccer season with Parks and Rec. she also played parks and rec. basketball for the first time and really liked it. So she has started in on another basketball team with many of the girls from parks and rec. My niece got married and again we were together as a family. Darryl celebrated in June, 25 years at Lloyd Table Company. We are very thankful for his job and the fact that I don't have to work and can stay home and school the kids. After saving for 2 years I was able to go back to NYC in October with the girls. We continue to see more new things and have a great time shopping. I went over to New Jersey and visited Carlos Bakery home of the TLC show Cake Boss and was able to bring home some cupcakes for the kids. In February Trevor was officially taller then Darryl. He continues to grow and I continue to have to buy him clothes and shoes because he keeps growing. Darryl celebrated his 30 year class reunion in August at Sauerkraut Days plus sold his prize possession his '63 Chevy II Nova that he had had for many years. I continue to run outside and since we had a great early spring I was able to get out of the gym and outside in March. I lost 10 pounds this spring/summer from running but found it to be a great stress release from the trials as most of the time I would pray during my 3 mile run. Darryl and I both did some 5K's and my time continues to improve. Darryl went to at least 1 Nascar race and then to a big gun show with some friends.
I'm sure there is more that I could write but they are not coming to mind. I'm glad that through the trials there were a lot of positive things happening and things that kept us all busy.
I'm truly thankful for my close friends and for those who love me in-spite of all my faults. I'm thankful to have 2 healthy wonderful children, a husband who loves me for better or worse which we had both this year, and for family who make me laugh when we are all together.
For 2011 I hope for there to not be so many trials in our lives , for continued health for my family, for my friendships to continue to grow stronger, for us to be able to stay on our budget and for all of us to grow in our faith.
Wishing you a very Happy New Year and that when you reflect back on 2010 I hope you too can have more positives then negatives in your life.
Happy New Year!!!!
The life of Shannon in small town Lisbon.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Rules
The successful rearing of a child is a matter of three simple rules, or understandings. These rules, as will become readily apparent, cannot be communicated to infants or young toddlers. Properly timed, the communication begins when a child is around eighteen months of age, give or take a few months. The introduction of these rules into a child's life almost invariably causes great consternation, to the point sometimes of rage. The reason for this is quite simple: There have been no rules at all to speak of before this time. Well, that's not exactly accurate. For eighteen months, the child has been led to believe the he rules. These three rules are not just new, however, but contradict the child's understanding of how the world works. They upset the child's applecart, so to speak, because the child had every reason to believe he ran the show, and would do so forever.
So, the child screams in protest of the rules, denies that his parents are capable of enforcing them, and does many destructive things to demonstrate his defiance. This upheaval goes by the popular term "The Terrible Twos." If parents "stay the course" through this much maligned stage, then by his or her third birthday, the child will have accepted that the rules are fixed, as in permanent.
First rule(from parent to child): "From this point on in our relationship, child of mine, you will pay much more attention to me than I will ever again, as a general rule, give to you."
Rule two: "You will do as I say."
Rule three: "You will do what I say not because of bribe, brutality, threat or persuasive explanation. You will do as I say because I say so. Period."
These three rules are indispensable to the parent-child relationship. They are the foundation of the child's "disciple-ship" and, therefore his or her later success in every dimension of life.
By John Rosemond
So, the child screams in protest of the rules, denies that his parents are capable of enforcing them, and does many destructive things to demonstrate his defiance. This upheaval goes by the popular term "The Terrible Twos." If parents "stay the course" through this much maligned stage, then by his or her third birthday, the child will have accepted that the rules are fixed, as in permanent.
First rule(from parent to child): "From this point on in our relationship, child of mine, you will pay much more attention to me than I will ever again, as a general rule, give to you."
Rule two: "You will do as I say."
Rule three: "You will do what I say not because of bribe, brutality, threat or persuasive explanation. You will do as I say because I say so. Period."
These three rules are indispensable to the parent-child relationship. They are the foundation of the child's "disciple-ship" and, therefore his or her later success in every dimension of life.
By John Rosemond
Monday, December 20, 2010
Life in the past
Once upon a time, people got married, had children, and reared them. It wasn't something they spent a lot of time fussing and fretting over. It was just something they did, along with planting seeds in the spring and harvesting them in the fall. If they came up against a child-rearing problem, they sought advice from grandparents and great-aunts or older brothers and sisters who'd already started their families. These were the experts of not so long ago, and they gave practical advise based on real-life experiences.
Along came a war and then a baby boom. Young parents took their children and went looking for the promised land. From the ashes of the extended family rose an entirely different class of child-rearing experts. Ones with degrees, nameplates on their doors, and large, mahogany desks.
It wasn't long before rhetoric replaced reality as the primary shaper of our child-rearing practices. Nonsense replaced common sense. American families became child-centered, and American parents became permissive. And not surprisingly, American children became self-centered, self-indulgent, spoiled, sassy, and out of control. By John Rosemond in his book "Because I Said So".
I may be at church, Walmart, the mall, a sporting event, the movies or even family gatherings and I think what is the future going to be like with these kids running our country. I see parents whose lives revolve around their kids and their sports or other activities. When I help in the nursery I always put the same few kids in timeout and their parents never ask how they were that day. I see such lack of discipline and a lot of giving in. Saying No but never following through. I just had a conversation with my brother about this as he told his daughter no twice and then by the time I returned to the room she was doing in front of him what he told her no to twice. So I gave him parenting 101 advise and it's biblical as well. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Or you could add spare the rod spoil the child.
Parents you need to go back to common sense and stop listening to people with big mahogany desk. Listen to truth and do the correct thing. A great book is "Parenting By the Book" by John Rosemond that really gets into scripture and shows you what God's word says about children raising. Read it and get back to reality instead of raising your kids in a fantasy land where life revolves around them.
Along came a war and then a baby boom. Young parents took their children and went looking for the promised land. From the ashes of the extended family rose an entirely different class of child-rearing experts. Ones with degrees, nameplates on their doors, and large, mahogany desks.
It wasn't long before rhetoric replaced reality as the primary shaper of our child-rearing practices. Nonsense replaced common sense. American families became child-centered, and American parents became permissive. And not surprisingly, American children became self-centered, self-indulgent, spoiled, sassy, and out of control. By John Rosemond in his book "Because I Said So".
I may be at church, Walmart, the mall, a sporting event, the movies or even family gatherings and I think what is the future going to be like with these kids running our country. I see parents whose lives revolve around their kids and their sports or other activities. When I help in the nursery I always put the same few kids in timeout and their parents never ask how they were that day. I see such lack of discipline and a lot of giving in. Saying No but never following through. I just had a conversation with my brother about this as he told his daughter no twice and then by the time I returned to the room she was doing in front of him what he told her no to twice. So I gave him parenting 101 advise and it's biblical as well. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Or you could add spare the rod spoil the child.
Parents you need to go back to common sense and stop listening to people with big mahogany desk. Listen to truth and do the correct thing. A great book is "Parenting By the Book" by John Rosemond that really gets into scripture and shows you what God's word says about children raising. Read it and get back to reality instead of raising your kids in a fantasy land where life revolves around them.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Grandparents dismay over undisciplined grandkids/Parents get off your butts and DO something about it!!
This is a great question and answer. Some of you may have the kids that are wild and you don't take control of the situation. Or maybe you are the grandparents and have had it up to here with your children and lack of discipline. Sometimes for me it's my nephews. I think I do discipline at every family gathering as I see them hitting each other or their 2 year old cousin. The parents oblivious to what is happening in their own little world. My parents even direct their grandchildren to stop running or doing this or that with the parents right there not saying a thing. With Christmas coming this maybe of help for many of you....parents and grandparents.
Q: Help! Whenever our two adult children, their spouses, and our four school-age grandchildren (tweenagers, all) visit us, as they did this past Thanksgiving, chaos reigns. The children are nothing short of wild. They run, jump, and scatter toys and clothing all over the place, all with much yelling and screaming. They act like they're on vacation at a beach rental, and the parents do little to control the situation. We have tolerated this for some time now because we don't want to create discomfort for our guests. But we've pretty much had it. Do we talk to the parents or should we just discipline when we feel discipline is needed?
A: This can be the stickiest of wickets, one that I'm hearing about from an ever-increasing number of grandparents. Apparently, too many of today's parents fail to realize that proper parenting is an expression of love and respect for one's neighbors, including friends and relatives. Lacking such fundamental social awareness (they have some mass disorder, no doubt), they inflict their little (and sometimes, as in this case, not so little) terrors on everyone who is kind enough to let them in the door.
Willie and I laid down the law early on concerning grandchild behavior in our home. We told the kids that two rules prevailed: First, when in Rome do as the Romans do, and when the Romans come to you, do as the Romans do. Second, it is our job to spoil, your job to discipline; do not do our job and we won't have to do yours. That pretty much sums up the grandparent/parent relationship.
Thankfully, our kids were and are still on board with our expectations. We certainly aren't draconian, but things like running, jumping on furniture, loud noises, and disobedience (in any form) are not allowed. Those clear understandings make for much better visits for adults and children alike.
Were I in your shoes, I would take this issue up with the parents. If you react to the grandchildren's behavior out of the proverbial blue, and especially given the unfortunate precedents that have been set, you are likely to run afoul of parental protectiveness. Furthermore, you are not and should not be responsible for the discipline of your grandchildren. Their parents are responsible, and they should accept that obligation. Doing so is a matter of respect for you not to mention good guest etiquette (a word in danger of extinction).
Assuming you and Grandma are on the same page (Caution! Do not proceed unless that condition is satisfied!), talk to the parents. Tell them what bothers you and what your expectations are. No need to be critical, mind you. No need to imply that you don't approve of their parenting. Explain that the older one gets, the less tolerant one becomes of child chaos. It's true, unless one is blessed with hearing loss.
The parents, in turn, should convey your expectations, in no uncertain terms, to the grandchildren before they get in the car to come to your house and again in the driveway before everyone gets out of the car. They should make a further commitment to you that enforcement will not be in your court. And it really doesn't matter whether or not the parents agree with your expectations; they should back you unconditionally. That's one way parents teach children respect for adult authority.
Q: Help! Whenever our two adult children, their spouses, and our four school-age grandchildren (tweenagers, all) visit us, as they did this past Thanksgiving, chaos reigns. The children are nothing short of wild. They run, jump, and scatter toys and clothing all over the place, all with much yelling and screaming. They act like they're on vacation at a beach rental, and the parents do little to control the situation. We have tolerated this for some time now because we don't want to create discomfort for our guests. But we've pretty much had it. Do we talk to the parents or should we just discipline when we feel discipline is needed?
A: This can be the stickiest of wickets, one that I'm hearing about from an ever-increasing number of grandparents. Apparently, too many of today's parents fail to realize that proper parenting is an expression of love and respect for one's neighbors, including friends and relatives. Lacking such fundamental social awareness (they have some mass disorder, no doubt), they inflict their little (and sometimes, as in this case, not so little) terrors on everyone who is kind enough to let them in the door.
Willie and I laid down the law early on concerning grandchild behavior in our home. We told the kids that two rules prevailed: First, when in Rome do as the Romans do, and when the Romans come to you, do as the Romans do. Second, it is our job to spoil, your job to discipline; do not do our job and we won't have to do yours. That pretty much sums up the grandparent/parent relationship.
Thankfully, our kids were and are still on board with our expectations. We certainly aren't draconian, but things like running, jumping on furniture, loud noises, and disobedience (in any form) are not allowed. Those clear understandings make for much better visits for adults and children alike.
Were I in your shoes, I would take this issue up with the parents. If you react to the grandchildren's behavior out of the proverbial blue, and especially given the unfortunate precedents that have been set, you are likely to run afoul of parental protectiveness. Furthermore, you are not and should not be responsible for the discipline of your grandchildren. Their parents are responsible, and they should accept that obligation. Doing so is a matter of respect for you not to mention good guest etiquette (a word in danger of extinction).
Assuming you and Grandma are on the same page (Caution! Do not proceed unless that condition is satisfied!), talk to the parents. Tell them what bothers you and what your expectations are. No need to be critical, mind you. No need to imply that you don't approve of their parenting. Explain that the older one gets, the less tolerant one becomes of child chaos. It's true, unless one is blessed with hearing loss.
The parents, in turn, should convey your expectations, in no uncertain terms, to the grandchildren before they get in the car to come to your house and again in the driveway before everyone gets out of the car. They should make a further commitment to you that enforcement will not be in your court. And it really doesn't matter whether or not the parents agree with your expectations; they should back you unconditionally. That's one way parents teach children respect for adult authority.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Laziest kid in America
In their email to me, his parents call him "The Laziest Kid in America." The child in question, a third grader, hides his clothes rather than put them away properly (in truth, hiding them probably takes more effort), would sometimes rather poop in his britches than stop what he's doing and go to the bathroom, forgets to bring work to or from school almost daily, and is nasty to his parents when they don't give him his way. He's bright but his grades suffer because he doesn't do his work.
His mother says that he would love being confined to his room with books only because then he could be lazy all day, every day. He is currently on restriction with no after-school activities but doesn't seem to care. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this story, etcetera.
This little guy is proof of the fact that of all the species on the planet, only humans have the capacity to act deliberately in ways that are clearly contrary to their best interests. He is also a living example of another, related, aspect of human nature: proper consequences do not always produce proper behavior. Thus, the battle-cry of many a teenager: "I don't care what you do to me!"
Obviously, these parents are not in denial concerning their son's problems. They are not enablers. They have punished him appropriately for his irresponsibility. Under the circumstances, his stubborn laziness can be regarded as a clever form of defiance. Without being assertive, he is nonetheless asserting that no one has authority over him; that no one can tell The Almighty Him what to do. The fact that his defiance is not outwardly defiant is what makes it so "slippery" and therefore so frustrating. Most definitely, only an equally clever and slippery response will do, one that transfers frustration from parents to child. Another way of saying this: At the present time, the monkey of the problem is on the parents' backs. This child will not learn to tame his monkey until it's riding his back.
A home visit from my old friend "The Doctor" is in order. I advised the parents to sit down with TLKIA and tell him they had spoken to a doctor about his problems, which they have now put in list form and affixed to the door of the refrigerator. The Doctor says that his problems are all symptoms of sleep deprivation. Some children need more sleep than others, he says. Some children have a very, very difficult time getting enough sleep, he says. These sleepy children do things like poop in their pants and forget school work. The Doctor says sleep-deprived children often talk-back at their parents, back-talk being the sort of thing sleepy people do without thinking. Interestingly enough, sleep-deprived kids are usually smart kids. The better the brain works, the more sleep a person needs.
The Doctor, after careful consideration, has said that this child must go to bed every night, seven days a week, lights out, at 6:30 in the evening until everything on the list has completely disappeared for one month. During this time, he cannot watch television, use a computer, or participate in any after-school activity. So, if every symptom of sleep-deprivation disappears for three weeks and then TLKIA hides his clothes instead of putting them away, the month starts over again. The perceptive reader may correctly surmise that this could take quite some time. That's true, but then this problem didn't develop overnight. I sense, furthermore, that these parents are just the people for the job.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
His mother says that he would love being confined to his room with books only because then he could be lazy all day, every day. He is currently on restriction with no after-school activities but doesn't seem to care. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this story, etcetera.
This little guy is proof of the fact that of all the species on the planet, only humans have the capacity to act deliberately in ways that are clearly contrary to their best interests. He is also a living example of another, related, aspect of human nature: proper consequences do not always produce proper behavior. Thus, the battle-cry of many a teenager: "I don't care what you do to me!"
Obviously, these parents are not in denial concerning their son's problems. They are not enablers. They have punished him appropriately for his irresponsibility. Under the circumstances, his stubborn laziness can be regarded as a clever form of defiance. Without being assertive, he is nonetheless asserting that no one has authority over him; that no one can tell The Almighty Him what to do. The fact that his defiance is not outwardly defiant is what makes it so "slippery" and therefore so frustrating. Most definitely, only an equally clever and slippery response will do, one that transfers frustration from parents to child. Another way of saying this: At the present time, the monkey of the problem is on the parents' backs. This child will not learn to tame his monkey until it's riding his back.
A home visit from my old friend "The Doctor" is in order. I advised the parents to sit down with TLKIA and tell him they had spoken to a doctor about his problems, which they have now put in list form and affixed to the door of the refrigerator. The Doctor says that his problems are all symptoms of sleep deprivation. Some children need more sleep than others, he says. Some children have a very, very difficult time getting enough sleep, he says. These sleepy children do things like poop in their pants and forget school work. The Doctor says sleep-deprived children often talk-back at their parents, back-talk being the sort of thing sleepy people do without thinking. Interestingly enough, sleep-deprived kids are usually smart kids. The better the brain works, the more sleep a person needs.
The Doctor, after careful consideration, has said that this child must go to bed every night, seven days a week, lights out, at 6:30 in the evening until everything on the list has completely disappeared for one month. During this time, he cannot watch television, use a computer, or participate in any after-school activity. So, if every symptom of sleep-deprivation disappears for three weeks and then TLKIA hides his clothes instead of putting them away, the month starts over again. The perceptive reader may correctly surmise that this could take quite some time. That's true, but then this problem didn't develop overnight. I sense, furthermore, that these parents are just the people for the job.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Meloncholy Boy & Bragging Parent
One of the defining beliefs of this technological age is that with enough ingenuity and perseverance, any problem can be solved. It's a mis-belief, actually, because problems that are a function of the human condition do not always respond positively to human effort. This recently came to mind as I contemplated two questions submitted by readers.
The first came from the mother of a pre-teen boy whom she described as "a melancholy mess-moody, unaffectionate, and negative." He has been a minor league misanthrope since early on in his life, and mom does not want him taking this problem with him into the majors. On the positive side, he's good-looking, athletic, and artistic. What can I do to help get him out of his funk? Mom asks, to which I answer probably not much. After all, she's been trying without success for at least a decade.
In the first place, it is not the responsibility of parents to solve all of their children's problems before said children reach adulthood and emancipate, nor is it realistic to think that can be accomplished, even with colossal parental effort. This is especially the case when the problem in question is related to a child's temperament, which the research strongly suggests is inborn (although not necessarily inherited).
We all reach adulthood with problems our parents could not have solved for us. At that point, one either rises to the challenge or not. And even with complete commitment, some problems of living are not ever going to be solved. One just has to learn to live with them and do his or her best to contain them such that they don't affect others. Again, this is simply the consequence of being born human.
So my advice to this mom is to accept that her son's melancholy is his problem, not hers, and to remember that while human love does not conquer all, it always benefits both the lover and the loved. Besides, this good-looking, athletic boy is about to enter his teen years, during which both of those characteristics are going to be mightily rewarded by his peers. It may well be that a couple of years of positive feedback from kids his own age will accomplish for this youngster what his mom and dad cannot hope to accomplish.
The second question came from a woman whose sister-in-law is forever bragging about her talented children and putting down other parents whose kids are not so blessed (or cursed, depending on one's point of view). My petitioner wants to know how to handle her seemingly egomaniacal relative. I say "seemingly" because a mother who lives her life through her children in this manner is obviously covering up deep-seated feelings of personal inadequacy. She may also be over-investing in her kids to avoid dealing with problems in her marriage. In any case, she needs to put some boundaries between herself and her children and claim a valid adult life for herself. The probability of her doing this, however, is slim. That's most unfortunate, because when her kids leave home and establish lives of their own, she is likely to be a very unhappy individual.
No one is going to be able to say anything to this woman that will cause her to experience sudden self-revelation. Therefore, I advised my writer to stay away from her toxic sister-in-law as much as possible; and when she can't avoid her, to ignore her; and when she can't ignore her, to regard her as an unfortunate who deserves compassion, all the more so because she doesn't realize she's being slowly destroyed from within.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
The first came from the mother of a pre-teen boy whom she described as "a melancholy mess-moody, unaffectionate, and negative." He has been a minor league misanthrope since early on in his life, and mom does not want him taking this problem with him into the majors. On the positive side, he's good-looking, athletic, and artistic. What can I do to help get him out of his funk? Mom asks, to which I answer probably not much. After all, she's been trying without success for at least a decade.
In the first place, it is not the responsibility of parents to solve all of their children's problems before said children reach adulthood and emancipate, nor is it realistic to think that can be accomplished, even with colossal parental effort. This is especially the case when the problem in question is related to a child's temperament, which the research strongly suggests is inborn (although not necessarily inherited).
We all reach adulthood with problems our parents could not have solved for us. At that point, one either rises to the challenge or not. And even with complete commitment, some problems of living are not ever going to be solved. One just has to learn to live with them and do his or her best to contain them such that they don't affect others. Again, this is simply the consequence of being born human.
So my advice to this mom is to accept that her son's melancholy is his problem, not hers, and to remember that while human love does not conquer all, it always benefits both the lover and the loved. Besides, this good-looking, athletic boy is about to enter his teen years, during which both of those characteristics are going to be mightily rewarded by his peers. It may well be that a couple of years of positive feedback from kids his own age will accomplish for this youngster what his mom and dad cannot hope to accomplish.
The second question came from a woman whose sister-in-law is forever bragging about her talented children and putting down other parents whose kids are not so blessed (or cursed, depending on one's point of view). My petitioner wants to know how to handle her seemingly egomaniacal relative. I say "seemingly" because a mother who lives her life through her children in this manner is obviously covering up deep-seated feelings of personal inadequacy. She may also be over-investing in her kids to avoid dealing with problems in her marriage. In any case, she needs to put some boundaries between herself and her children and claim a valid adult life for herself. The probability of her doing this, however, is slim. That's most unfortunate, because when her kids leave home and establish lives of their own, she is likely to be a very unhappy individual.
No one is going to be able to say anything to this woman that will cause her to experience sudden self-revelation. Therefore, I advised my writer to stay away from her toxic sister-in-law as much as possible; and when she can't avoid her, to ignore her; and when she can't ignore her, to regard her as an unfortunate who deserves compassion, all the more so because she doesn't realize she's being slowly destroyed from within.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Parenting a tweenage and teenager
I've done different blogs about the book "Parenting By The Book" by John Rosemond and things that he has said that are true and helpful. Also I get his weekly column that gets published in many different newspapers around the USA.
Now I'm reading Teen-Proofing and it to is very good and I think I've included some stuff on Facebook about what he has said. So this morning as I'm reading it he is talking about kids and wanting the last word and how as parents we fight for us to have the last word and we don't need to engage our children in that but let them have the last word and just stick to your NO and leave but don't continue the battle. So that was really good and then he goes on about your children saying that they "hate" you in the heat of the argument and of course they really don't but they try to hit you where it hurts so you will change your no to yes.
Now the part I'm going to type to you from the book this is a direction our children are moving into that is wrong on behalf of the parents. I know I've said Trevor can live with us forever and do on-line college but that is because he is so easy of a child and very obedient to whatever we say. He is a rare breed. But our job as parents is to prepare them to leave. This to me is funny but true as I too loved my parents but didn't want to live with them for too long after high school. So here goes...........
" I once asked the 500 plus people in Nashville audience how many of you when you were teens truly liked your parents? Maybe 10 hands went up. This didn't surprise me because I didn't like my parents either when I was a teen. They annoyed me, inconvenienced me and made me angry on a regular basis. I couldn't wait to leave home, which simply means they did a good job of convincing me I could make a better life for myself than they were willing to make for me. "
"Today's parents, by all accounts, are not doing a very good job of convincing their children of this. When I was 20, I was married and on my own. The average age of economic emancipation in my generation was, in fact, 22 years old. Today, the average age is approaching 26. In my time, for a child to live at home well into his/her twenties was considered indication of something very odd in the parent-child relationship. Today it is considered normal."
"The researchers who discovered this trend were unable to explain it in terms of economics or the availability of jobs. They said, " The children of this generation have been given too much by parents who have been generally guilty of self-in-duced nearsightedness." (end of book)
Both my siblings and I were out of the house by 22 years old. I think I stayed the longest to age 21 years old. So mom and dad you did it right!! You prepared us the best you could to get out and make it on our own. Today's parents who still have teens at home need to start preparing them to leave and if your child is older then 22 and still living with you free of charge I guess you need to think about it and figure out a way for them to grow-up spread their own wings and fly away.
Now I'm reading Teen-Proofing and it to is very good and I think I've included some stuff on Facebook about what he has said. So this morning as I'm reading it he is talking about kids and wanting the last word and how as parents we fight for us to have the last word and we don't need to engage our children in that but let them have the last word and just stick to your NO and leave but don't continue the battle. So that was really good and then he goes on about your children saying that they "hate" you in the heat of the argument and of course they really don't but they try to hit you where it hurts so you will change your no to yes.
Now the part I'm going to type to you from the book this is a direction our children are moving into that is wrong on behalf of the parents. I know I've said Trevor can live with us forever and do on-line college but that is because he is so easy of a child and very obedient to whatever we say. He is a rare breed. But our job as parents is to prepare them to leave. This to me is funny but true as I too loved my parents but didn't want to live with them for too long after high school. So here goes...........
" I once asked the 500 plus people in Nashville audience how many of you when you were teens truly liked your parents? Maybe 10 hands went up. This didn't surprise me because I didn't like my parents either when I was a teen. They annoyed me, inconvenienced me and made me angry on a regular basis. I couldn't wait to leave home, which simply means they did a good job of convincing me I could make a better life for myself than they were willing to make for me. "
"Today's parents, by all accounts, are not doing a very good job of convincing their children of this. When I was 20, I was married and on my own. The average age of economic emancipation in my generation was, in fact, 22 years old. Today, the average age is approaching 26. In my time, for a child to live at home well into his/her twenties was considered indication of something very odd in the parent-child relationship. Today it is considered normal."
"The researchers who discovered this trend were unable to explain it in terms of economics or the availability of jobs. They said, " The children of this generation have been given too much by parents who have been generally guilty of self-in-duced nearsightedness." (end of book)
Both my siblings and I were out of the house by 22 years old. I think I stayed the longest to age 21 years old. So mom and dad you did it right!! You prepared us the best you could to get out and make it on our own. Today's parents who still have teens at home need to start preparing them to leave and if your child is older then 22 and still living with you free of charge I guess you need to think about it and figure out a way for them to grow-up spread their own wings and fly away.
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