Monday, November 8, 2010

Parenting a tweenage and teenager

I've done different blogs about the book "Parenting By The Book" by John Rosemond and things that he has said that are true and helpful. Also I get his weekly column that gets published in many different newspapers around the USA.

Now I'm reading Teen-Proofing and it to is very good and I think I've included some stuff on Facebook about what he has said. So this morning as I'm reading it he is talking about kids and wanting the last word and how as parents we fight for us to have the last word and we don't need to engage our children in that but let them have the last word and just stick to your NO and leave but don't continue the battle. So that was really good and then he goes on about your children saying that they "hate" you in the heat of the argument and of course they really don't but they try to hit you where it hurts so you will change your no to yes.

Now the part I'm going to type to you from the book this is a direction our children are moving into that is wrong on behalf of the parents. I know I've said Trevor can live with us forever and do on-line college but that is because he is so easy of a child and very obedient to whatever we say. He is a rare breed. But our job as parents is to prepare them to leave. This to me is funny but true as I too loved my parents but didn't want to live with them for too long after high school. So here goes...........
" I once asked the 500 plus people in Nashville audience how many of you when you were teens truly liked your parents? Maybe 10 hands went up. This didn't surprise me because I didn't like my parents either when I was a teen. They annoyed me, inconvenienced me and made me angry on a regular basis. I couldn't wait to leave home, which simply means they did a good job of convincing me I could make a better life for myself than they were willing to make for me. "
"Today's parents, by all accounts, are not doing a very good job of convincing their children of this. When I was 20, I was married and on my own. The average age of economic emancipation in my generation was, in fact, 22 years old. Today, the average age is approaching 26. In my time, for a child to live at home well into his/her twenties was considered indication of something very odd in the parent-child relationship. Today it is considered normal."
"The researchers who discovered this trend were unable to explain it in terms of economics or the availability of jobs. They said, " The children of this generation have been given too much by parents who have been generally guilty of self-in-duced nearsightedness." (end of book)

Both my siblings and I were out of the house by 22 years old. I think I stayed the longest to age 21 years old. So mom and dad you did it right!! You prepared us the best you could to get out and make it on our own. Today's parents who still have teens at home need to start preparing them to leave and if your child is older then 22 and still living with you free of charge I guess you need to think about it and figure out a way for them to grow-up spread their own wings and fly away.

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