God has given us a blueprint for living creative, productive, fulfilling lives and experiencing fulfilling relationships with one another and with him. The blueprint is known as the Old and New Testaments of the Bible.
The Bible incorporates a number of smaller blueprints for every aspect of living, including marriage (a permanent, faithful relationship between a man and a women), conducting business, forming and living in a healthy societies (laws must be obeyed), and the rearing of children (proper discipline is as critical to proper child rearing as is love; the education of the children is the responsibility of parents).
Because God created us in his image, we possess free will. This freedom includes the freedom to choose whether we obey God, whether we live our lives in accord with his blueprints for living. Choices result in consequences. The ultimate consequence of obeying God is good. The ultimate consequence of disobeying God is the opposite of good.
The risks of attempting to raise a child without regard for God's blueprint for child rearing, as clearly set forth in his Big Blueprint, include a child who is ill-behaved, disrespectful, destructive and self-destructive, irresponsible, inattentive, careless, aggressive, self-centered, deceitful and so on. The risks to the child's parents include chronic frustration, stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, conflict, and guilt.
The sad tragic fact is that most American parents, even many believers in Christ have deviated from God's child-rearing blueprint in raising their children. This alone explains why child rearing has become the single most stressful, frustrating anxiety-and guilt-ridden thing American adults (especially females) will ever do.
But any parent who so chooses can realign his or her child rearing with God's plan will begin to experience success.
-John Rosemond
The life of Shannon in small town Lisbon.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Did not see this coming
When I first got pregnant in 1995, Darryl and I had decided that I would quit my job and stay home. I myself could never imagine sending my infant to a babysitters or daycare for 8 or more hours a day. I wanted to nurse them and do what I felt God calling me to do which was stay home full time. I figured when the kids were in school full-time I would go back to work part-time so I could be home when they were done with school and help out at school. In 1998 along came Alivia whom we had planned and so I had at least 5 more years at home. We learned to work on a budget and cut back on things we didn't need. Nothing could replace that precious time I had with the kids to teach them before they were off to school. We prayed for 2 years about any more kids since I wanted another. Darryl because of being 10 years older then me was satisfied with the two we had and didn't want to be old by the time the last was 18 and graduating. So I asked God to either give me a content heart or to change Darryl's mind. Well he changed me and we stopped at two.
When Trevor was 3 he started preschool in Mt.Vernon and on his road to learning in school. Then came 4 year old preschool and he too was enrolled in Mt.Vernon for that and that was when God started to peak my interest in homeschooling. At the time no one I knew homeschooled although some from our church had but now their kids were in high school at the public school. I brought the idea up to Darryl and his first response was NO! He too didn't know of anyone who homeschooled and I guess because living in Lisbon and the weird "you gotta send your kids to Lisbon" mind set in this town he was against the idea. I told him to pray about it first before he said no. A few months later I checked in with him and he said no he had not prayed about it, but would. Well the end of 4 year old preschool was coming and since Trevor has a May birthday I was going to do AK with him anyhow to give him the extra advantage of being one of the older ones in his class and not having to struggle as much.
The more I prayed and did research on homeschooling the more I felt God calling me to do this for our kids. I talked with Darryl again and told him I can't mess up AK because I know my ABC, shapes, colors, numbers etc. He agreed and we would take one year at a time. I knew this first year had to be good and Darryl had to see that this was the best education our child could receive. Well, he did and we have been homeschooling ever since. We continue to take one year at a time and talk to the kids about what they want and if they want to try public school or not. I believe Trevor will graduate as being a homeschooler through the Marion Home School Assistance Program and with Alivia it is still up in the air.
When I was pregnant with Trevor I would have NEVER thought that I would be spending everyday, all day with my children by homeschooling. But it was not my plan but God's and He of course knew this is what we would do and this time changed Darryl's heart to accept that this was the best education for his kids and if people in this town don't understand who cares.
I'm sure a lot of people thought we were crazy and talked about us but I would rather have them do that then to go against God's calling. Then after we took the big leap of faith others watching us decided too as well. Now there are many homeschoolers in the Lisbon/Mt.Vernon area and the kids are able to get together and hang out.
These were the choices we made for our family with God's guidance. He doesn't give everyone or every Christian the same path but He will guide you on your path that He wants you to go. I didn't see this coming 14 years ago when I held that baby boy in my arms but I'm so happy for the path that we are on.
Today is a good day for you to seek God and see if you are on His path or your path. He with pray will make the answer very clear. The hard part for you maybe following the path He wants you to take. But it is SO worth it in the end.
When Trevor was 3 he started preschool in Mt.Vernon and on his road to learning in school. Then came 4 year old preschool and he too was enrolled in Mt.Vernon for that and that was when God started to peak my interest in homeschooling. At the time no one I knew homeschooled although some from our church had but now their kids were in high school at the public school. I brought the idea up to Darryl and his first response was NO! He too didn't know of anyone who homeschooled and I guess because living in Lisbon and the weird "you gotta send your kids to Lisbon" mind set in this town he was against the idea. I told him to pray about it first before he said no. A few months later I checked in with him and he said no he had not prayed about it, but would. Well the end of 4 year old preschool was coming and since Trevor has a May birthday I was going to do AK with him anyhow to give him the extra advantage of being one of the older ones in his class and not having to struggle as much.
The more I prayed and did research on homeschooling the more I felt God calling me to do this for our kids. I talked with Darryl again and told him I can't mess up AK because I know my ABC, shapes, colors, numbers etc. He agreed and we would take one year at a time. I knew this first year had to be good and Darryl had to see that this was the best education our child could receive. Well, he did and we have been homeschooling ever since. We continue to take one year at a time and talk to the kids about what they want and if they want to try public school or not. I believe Trevor will graduate as being a homeschooler through the Marion Home School Assistance Program and with Alivia it is still up in the air.
When I was pregnant with Trevor I would have NEVER thought that I would be spending everyday, all day with my children by homeschooling. But it was not my plan but God's and He of course knew this is what we would do and this time changed Darryl's heart to accept that this was the best education for his kids and if people in this town don't understand who cares.
I'm sure a lot of people thought we were crazy and talked about us but I would rather have them do that then to go against God's calling. Then after we took the big leap of faith others watching us decided too as well. Now there are many homeschoolers in the Lisbon/Mt.Vernon area and the kids are able to get together and hang out.
These were the choices we made for our family with God's guidance. He doesn't give everyone or every Christian the same path but He will guide you on your path that He wants you to go. I didn't see this coming 14 years ago when I held that baby boy in my arms but I'm so happy for the path that we are on.
Today is a good day for you to seek God and see if you are on His path or your path. He with pray will make the answer very clear. The hard part for you maybe following the path He wants you to take. But it is SO worth it in the end.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New Year Parenting Resolutions..must read!
Given that this is the first column of a new year, I'm proposing a number of parenting New Year's Resolutions for my readers to consider. The list is by no means comprehensive. It's just a good beginning on what is probably a much-needed family revolution:
1. We will not throw expensive "event parties" for our children on their birthdays. Instead, we will confine all birthday celebrations to our family, including extended family. We will keep it uncomplicated: a special dinner of the birthday boy or girl's favorite food, a cake, the obligatory song, and a few simple gifts, mostly clothing or other useful things.
2. We will spend at least as much time helping our children develop good manners as do helping them get good grades in school, which means we will cut back significantly on the time helping with the latter (in consideration of the fact that good manners, which are expressions of respect for others, will take one further in life than will good grades). Each week, we will work on one specific social courtesy, such as saying "excuse me" when you walk in front of someone. Taking two weeks off, that's fifty courtesies a year!
3. We will show our love for our neighbors by properly disciplining our children, insisting on proper behavior, and reprimanding immediately (even if that means in front of other people) when they behave otherwise, and on those occasions we will also insist they apologize appropriately.
4. If we have not already done so, we will assign a routine of daily chores to each of our children (at least those who have reached their third birthdays) and we will insist that said chores be done, and done properly, before they engage in recreation or relaxation.
5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.
6. When our children complain that they are the only kids who don't have cell phones (and do chores), we will tell them that learning how to be different is character-building.
7. Our children will not be able to order customized meals unless we take them to a restaurant. At home, they will eat what we are eating, and they will sit at the table until they are finished. We will do this so that when they are invited to eat at someone else's home, they will be the best of guests.
8. We will surely bond with our children, but we will not bond with them in the marital bed, nor will we bond with them in their beds.
9. In keeping with number 8, we will put our marriage first and our children second...for their sake as well as ours. They will revolve around us; thus, they will not grow up thinking the world revolves around them.
10. If I am a single parent, I will take good care of myself for my sake as well as my children's. I will have an active, adult's only, social life. I will take plenty of personal time to simply relax and do those things I like to do. I will do all of that so that my children will not ever think the world revolves around them.
11. We/I will put our/my children to bed early so that we/I can end each day reconnecting as a couple or relaxing as a single.
12. We will eat as a family around our own table at least six nights a week.
13. We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and only let them enroll in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11.
14. Instead of buying our children expensive things, we will help them develop hobbies and take them to museums and on trips.
15. We will do all of the above so that when they grow up, they will have wonderful memories of their childhoods and raise our grandchildren in a manner that honors us.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
1. We will not throw expensive "event parties" for our children on their birthdays. Instead, we will confine all birthday celebrations to our family, including extended family. We will keep it uncomplicated: a special dinner of the birthday boy or girl's favorite food, a cake, the obligatory song, and a few simple gifts, mostly clothing or other useful things.
2. We will spend at least as much time helping our children develop good manners as do helping them get good grades in school, which means we will cut back significantly on the time helping with the latter (in consideration of the fact that good manners, which are expressions of respect for others, will take one further in life than will good grades). Each week, we will work on one specific social courtesy, such as saying "excuse me" when you walk in front of someone. Taking two weeks off, that's fifty courtesies a year!
3. We will show our love for our neighbors by properly disciplining our children, insisting on proper behavior, and reprimanding immediately (even if that means in front of other people) when they behave otherwise, and on those occasions we will also insist they apologize appropriately.
4. If we have not already done so, we will assign a routine of daily chores to each of our children (at least those who have reached their third birthdays) and we will insist that said chores be done, and done properly, before they engage in recreation or relaxation.
5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.
6. When our children complain that they are the only kids who don't have cell phones (and do chores), we will tell them that learning how to be different is character-building.
7. Our children will not be able to order customized meals unless we take them to a restaurant. At home, they will eat what we are eating, and they will sit at the table until they are finished. We will do this so that when they are invited to eat at someone else's home, they will be the best of guests.
8. We will surely bond with our children, but we will not bond with them in the marital bed, nor will we bond with them in their beds.
9. In keeping with number 8, we will put our marriage first and our children second...for their sake as well as ours. They will revolve around us; thus, they will not grow up thinking the world revolves around them.
10. If I am a single parent, I will take good care of myself for my sake as well as my children's. I will have an active, adult's only, social life. I will take plenty of personal time to simply relax and do those things I like to do. I will do all of that so that my children will not ever think the world revolves around them.
11. We/I will put our/my children to bed early so that we/I can end each day reconnecting as a couple or relaxing as a single.
12. We will eat as a family around our own table at least six nights a week.
13. We will keep after-school activities to a minimum, and only let them enroll in activities that do not prevent us from delivering on number 11.
14. Instead of buying our children expensive things, we will help them develop hobbies and take them to museums and on trips.
15. We will do all of the above so that when they grow up, they will have wonderful memories of their childhoods and raise our grandchildren in a manner that honors us.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.
Monday, January 3, 2011
3 Radical Parenting Suggestions
If you want your child to become a winner, then I have 3 radical suggestions:
1) So "no" to his/her request more often then you say "yes."
"No" is the most character-building two-letter word in the English language. Children who hear "no" sufficiently often learn to tolerate frustration. This tolerance enables them to preserve in the face of obstacles and adversity, and perseverance, need I remind you, is the essential ingredient in any success story. Whether the pursuit be vocational or avocational, social or spiritual, perseverance makes the difference between those who consistently reach goals and those who don't. It may sound strange to say, but if you want to help your child develop a successful attitude toward challenges of life, you must not be afraid to frustrate him.
2)Buy your child very few toys. Parents tell me that today's children complain of being bored more than they complain of anything else. This is new. Boredom was something I didn't know as a child, and I wasn't alone. I've asked countless numbers of people who raised children in the '40's and '50's, "Did your child frequently complain of being bored?" "No," is their answer.
Why not? Because when the people of my generation were children we didn't have a lot of toys. We had to learn, therefore, how to do a lot with relatively little. And that's what resourcefulness is all about.
3) Don't let your children watch much television, especially during their preschool years. The developmental skills that comprise and support the act of reading are acquired during the preschool years in the course of the most natural of childhood activities, play. Television-watching is neither a natural nor playful activity. It is passivity.
By John Rosemond book: "Because I said So!"
1) So "no" to his/her request more often then you say "yes."
"No" is the most character-building two-letter word in the English language. Children who hear "no" sufficiently often learn to tolerate frustration. This tolerance enables them to preserve in the face of obstacles and adversity, and perseverance, need I remind you, is the essential ingredient in any success story. Whether the pursuit be vocational or avocational, social or spiritual, perseverance makes the difference between those who consistently reach goals and those who don't. It may sound strange to say, but if you want to help your child develop a successful attitude toward challenges of life, you must not be afraid to frustrate him.
2)Buy your child very few toys. Parents tell me that today's children complain of being bored more than they complain of anything else. This is new. Boredom was something I didn't know as a child, and I wasn't alone. I've asked countless numbers of people who raised children in the '40's and '50's, "Did your child frequently complain of being bored?" "No," is their answer.
Why not? Because when the people of my generation were children we didn't have a lot of toys. We had to learn, therefore, how to do a lot with relatively little. And that's what resourcefulness is all about.
3) Don't let your children watch much television, especially during their preschool years. The developmental skills that comprise and support the act of reading are acquired during the preschool years in the course of the most natural of childhood activities, play. Television-watching is neither a natural nor playful activity. It is passivity.
By John Rosemond book: "Because I said So!"
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